Mets Day 284 - Part-time work

For the past couple of weeks, I have been talking with my firm's managing partner about the terms of my employment for 2013.  The firm has been most generous in 2012, providing my with full pay for the year, even though I was out for many months, and working at less than full capacity for much of the rest of the year.  I know that I could not work 100% while I continue to deal with my cancer and the complications from the treatment, but I did not want to completely stop working, for many reasons:  (1) I wanted the hope that I can return to near-normal after I beat this; (2) while I am fighting the good fight, I will still need health insurance for my and my family, and staying affiliated with the firm lets me stay on the firm's group policy; (3) I can still do some legal work, even if it is not full-time; (4) I feel obligations to my clients, even though the amount of time I will be spending will be much reduced; (5) there is a psychological benefit to keeping my mind engaged in my profession: and (6) the extra money helps. 

My firm's management was most flexible and supportive of these goals, and was willing to consider any proposal that would help me with my objectives.  I wanted to be fair to the firm that has given me so much support.  Last week, I proposed, and management agreed, that I receive a fixed annual compensation for 2013 of about 15% of my 2012 compensation, with true-up/bonus provisions based upon billable hours and income from certain client matters, and the ability to return to full participation in the partnership any time that my health allows. I am satisfied with this arrangement, and it seems to be fair all around. 

I expect that, for the near future, I will be billing only 20-30 hours per month.  I don't yet know how often I will be going into the office, as opposed to working from home.  Each day is determined in large part by how poorly I slept the night before.  I've learned that, even if I feel like I got a relatively decent night's sleep (the key being relative -- 4 or 5 hours, as opposed to 7 or 8 before surgery), then I might have a good day.  Less than that, bleah.  And even on a "good" day, I tend to fade by the afternoon.  Nighttime activities are even more difficult. 

I am tentatively exploring my newfound freedom to define my days.  Over the next couple of months, I will see a pattern emerging in this new part-time schedule.  I'm not yet sure what it will be, however.  It's a strange thing to not have either the expectation that I will go into work for a full day each day, or to even have an aspiration to do so.  I've been doing that for 25 years, and before that, it was school or other full-time activities that in many ways defined my day.  Instead of the tyranny of the billable hour, my life activities are more influenced by how leaky my neobladder has been, and how much sleep I can get. I have a number of things on my to-do list, but so far I have shown remarkably little interest.  I need to figure out how I can find motivation to do things even when my body wants more rest.