Mets Day 233 - Lunesta vs. Ambien CR

Yesterday I went back to the psychatrist who specializes in sleep disorders and consulted with her about my three weeks of experience with Ambien CR.  I reported that it generally helped me sleep longer than I had using just regular Ambien.  Instead waking up at 4 am or so and not going back to sleep, with CR I would still wake up when I'd start to leak, but generally would be able to go back to sleep.  I usually would wake up for keeps at around 6 am.  I would continue to feel drowsy and sluggish until about 10 am or so, as the drug slowly wore off.  I would not be huingry in the morning, but would be rqavenous for the rest of the day.  I also consistently felt like I had cottonmouth, or was on the verge of getting a sore throat.

The quality of my sleep, however, still left something to be desired.  I could tell it was a drug-induced sleep, and my mind did not seem as rested after 6 hours of sleep under CR as with 4 hours using the regular stuff.  It's strange to feel and hard to describe.  Each day, I would feel even more tired, but less sleepy, if that makes sense.

Every fourth night or so, I found that I would be unable to sleep at all.  I would be physically exhausted,  but would lie in bed and toss and turn and simply would not go to sleep.  I'd get up, go the bathroom,. sit in the hot tub, lay back down, toss and turn some more, get back up, lay in the recliner -- anything to try to sleep.  I might doze, but no REM sleep.  In the 21 days since I started taking CR, this happened 4 times.  

The doctor suggested that I try Lunseta, and see if that worked any better.  I'm not particularly a fan of drug shopping, but decided this was different.  I tried Lunesta for the first time last night.  I went to sleep at around midnight, and at exactly 4 am -- as if an alarm went off -- I was wide awake.  I think it was in association with a leak, but can't be sure.  There I was, laying on my pillow, eyes wide open, wondering why I couldn't go back to sleep.  I wondered if there was a stimulant in Lunesta that was timed to go off after the dose was done.  It was distinctly unsatisfying.  I'm going to give it another go tonight and the next few days, but the initial results are not promising.

On Tuesday, I go back to Fox Chase Cancer Center for another round of scans.  I was telling Spencer today that each scan event is strange, because the only news it can bring is bad news.  The scans can't tell me that I am cancer-free, because that's not what they are designed to do, and because the scans are not fine enough to detect microscopic metastatic cancer that is almost certainly floating around in my lymphatic system.  So if the scans are negative, it just means that I'm in the same place that I was the day before -- waiting for the next shoe to drop.  And if the scans are positive, then it means that I really can't postpone updating my will.  I am beginning to appreciate why many cancer patients would rather not know all of the details of their disease -- for them, it's better to live in ignorance, and not have their hope burdened by reality.