I'll be getting a PET scan tomorrow at NIH. Dr. Aragon-Ching initially had scheduled one at GW, but then Dr. Apolo offered to do it at NIH, which means that we don't have to worry about insurance approval. Plus, Dr. Apolo also had offered to have the biopsy done at NIH, and having the PET there could aid when the time comes for the needle to be probing around my chest. The scan results likely won't be available the same day, so we'll just have to wait and see what it tells us. I've already been warned that a negative scan does not mean that there is no metastatic activity, but just that it was not detected by the scan. So the PET scan won't give any good news, just bad news or no news.
Last weekend Jennifer and I took Kirsten down to Newport News for her move into college. It has been a long time coming, and I think we all felt relieved to have passed that milestone. We then went to the lake house -- the first time this year we've been there -- and found thigh-high grass and a somewhat musty house. To my surprise, the boat started right up, although it idles roughly -- I suspect that the carb might have some goop built up from sitting for so long. The jet ski and riding mower batteries needed to be charged. I like going to the lake house, but based on how little we've used it, and the coming darkness, we'll probably sell it next spring.
I have been remarkable unperturbed by the news that my
cancer may be metastasizing. I've had matter-of-fact conversations with
each of the kids about it. Jennifer and I also have had several calm
conversations about the likelihood that I could be dead by the end of
2014, and what we should do in the meantime. We're still working out
the details, but we won't be doing anything drastic in the near future.
I'm going to do some more work on the house, play with my
soon-to-arrive granddaughter, and enjoy time with my family. I've
already go the wheels turning for updating our estate planning, and
Jennifer is showing more interest in learning about our finances.
Last night Spencer and I went to the Redskins preseason opener. I had found a couple of tickets on Craigslist, and they were in the lower bowl about 10 rows up from the sideline. We went early, ate some bratwursts, yelled and booed and cheered and stayed to the end. It was a pleasant evening with my son.
Life goes on, shorter for some, longer for others, but the day-to-day process of living forms a pattern that is hard to disrupt, even in the face of looming mortality. I have realized how obligations and commitments can govern my time, and too often I have allowed my schedule to usurp my agency. Even now, when I largely have been released from 25 years of practicing law, I am surprised both by the durability of my habits, and the patterns that I have built with my family. I did not fully appreciate how those patterns, both good and bad, were forming over the years, but now can see how they have etched into the stone of my soul.
Ken -- this post reminds me of a legend about St. Francis of Assisi. Probably you have heard this. a man found Francis hoeing his garden and asked him, "What would you do if you knew you would die tomorrow?" without pausing in his labor, Francis said, "I would keep on hoeing this garden." words to live by as you seem to be doing.
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