I stayed home from church today to limit my exposure to germs and infections. I know that I'm at my most vulnerable at this point, with my battered immunity system struggling to recover from the chemotherapy hit. I can feel mouth sores beginning to develop as my mucosis has been worn away and slow to regrow. I try to keep up with my hydration, sipping fluids as I can. My energy level continues to be low. I'll have to wallow through this trough for another week or so before I see my energy levels start to come back.
Psychologically, it is a huge difference to know that I'm not going to face any more chemo in the near future. The burden after rounds 1 and 2 of knowing there was another body blow waiting for me was tremendous. Now that I've decided that I'm standing fast after three rounds, I am surprised at how much of a difference there is in my attitude. I'm not dreading the next couple of weeks, but instead am focused on getting better.
It also helps that Jennifer and I have decided to take a cruise in a couple of weeks for out 30th wedding anniversary. Having that reward as a tangible goal gives me something to look forward to, and focus upon. I feel like I'm shoehorning in experiences and memories in every spare moment. I am ever so keenly aware of the passage of time, and to try to find the joy in each minute. Yet, at times, sometimes the best moments are the quietest ones, such as when I was holding my granddaughter last night, after she had finished her bottle, and was quietly dozing in my arms. Sometimes, the simple pleasures are the most profound.
It is sweet to read of your growing appreciation for simple pleasures. The beauty, of course, is that we can all enjoy them. Rich or poor, sick or healthy, gifted or seriously addled. Many lose those moments in the push and pull of life. I love that you see them more clearly than ever, brother. My heart opens and I pray God will give you more of those moments. Many more. Love ya, -Art.
ReplyDelete