Mets Day 60 - weekend with the family

I spent last weekend with the family.  On Friday, all seven of of us gathered at Lake Anna - the first time I'd been there since my cancer diagnosis eight months ago.  The grass around the lake house was knee high, several small trees had fallen on the property, the batteries on the boat, jet ski, and riding mower were dead, and the starter motor on the boat quit working.  All of that was eventually remedied, and we enjoyed a quiet and relaxing time on the nuclear-warmed water (92 degrees!) or playing games at the house.  We enjoy our time there in part because we deliberately have avoided installing internet or TV connections, which helps us be more interactive.  Whether it's because of my cancer, or because my kids are maturing, we are able to relax and enjoy our time with each other, with everyone doing their part to make the weekend stress-free. 

On Friday morning, I woke up with a lower back ache, which was unusual.  It persisted during the day and over the weekend, causing me to wear heat packs and take Ibuprofen.  Even thought I knew it was just a muscle cramp, I had a hard time ignoring the little voice in the back of my mind whispering that the cancer had invaded my spine.  I never have been prone to hypochondria or persistent medical worries, so that was a new experience for me.  What will come, will come.  I don't want to dread or fear each day, wondering when or if the next shoe will drop.  A life paralyzed by fear of the unknown is not much of a life. 

I've been working on kegels and trying to improve on the nighttime incontinence.  I think it's going to be a slow journey.  I still wake up several times a night, and find it hard to get back to sleep.  If I can manage it, I delay going to bed until after midnight (which is unusual for me), so I have to get up only two times instead of three or four.  The net effect is that my sleeping pattern is being changed by neobladder, and I'm still getting used to it. 

This week I hope to hear from Fox Chase to see if I've been accepted into the Dendreon clinical trial.  It's likely that I will be.  Fox Chase has asked that I hod off on any CT or MRI scans until they know whether I'm in, because they want to do them all.  As a result, I have no way of knowing whether my cancer has spread to any distant locations, or is quiescent. 

While we were on the water, I plugged in David Bowie.  When "Five Years" came on, I announced that was my new theme song.  I guess the rest of the family didn't appreciate my humor.  At least it was better than the Stones' "Paint it, Black." 

I do find myself more appreciative of many things in life that before I might have taken for granted.  Each day, I am grateful for another day of life, and everything that it brings.  Cancer has taught me to have a greater sense of gratitude.