I've been giving lots of thought lately to my priorities, in terms of the use of my time. In particular, I have been contemplating my work-life balance. I have had a number of conversations on this topic with doctors, my law partners, members of my church, friends, and family. Because I am still mastering my neobladder, I have not yet made a decision. But I wanted to write about some of the things that I have been considering.
First, to me, work has always been a means, and never an end. I never intended to die while actively practicing law. Law was and is a means to provide for my family. I have the good fortune to have done reasonably well, and to enjoy what I do. I enjoy supporting my clients. But I always expected that, at some point, I would leave the full-time practice of law and do other things, such as humanitarian service, or travel, or spend time with my family. There never is an ideal time to do that.
Second, because I am the beneficiary of various disability insurance plans, I am fortunate to be in a position where I do not need to work to be able to provide continued support to my family. I would certainly be making less money if I was on full disability, but I think that I would be able to make ends meet. I need to actually run the numbers to find out the impact - something I have not yet done.
Third, the high likelihood that I will not survive for more than five years helps focus my mind on the fact that, if there are things that I want to do in life, I'd better do them sooner rather than later.
Fourth, while my oldest is married and on her own, I still have teen-aged children at home -- a rising high school senior, and a rising high school freshman, as well as my college-aged son who is living at home what attending school locally. Their schedules and commitments limit the flexibility that empty-nesters might have to travel or do whatever. In addition, Jennifer has been planning to start classes on her Master's in Social Work. In other words, if I was to retire on disability, I'd need to figure out what I would be doing since my kids are still in school.
Of all the people with whom I have spoken, not one has advised me to continue to work full time, if I don't need to from a financial standpoint. Most of them have asked, what would I do instead of working? I'm still puzzling through that, and do not yet know the answer. I don't have a bucket list, and have no desire to create one. I have some things I would like to do, such as ensuring that my estate planning documents are up-to-date, giving Jennifer a binder summarizing our financial situation, and perhaps pulling together my disparate pieces of my life story. I expect that I'll be focusing on those in the near future, to the extent I am able. Maybe doing that will tell me whether I'm able to return to work, given my ongoing sleep deprivation.
I have much more to say on this topic, but it's midnight and I'm tired. Readers, your thoughts?
Your answer is in the blog. We, the readers, can not answer your question. You are the only one who knows the answer. Good luck with working it out.
ReplyDeleteIan
I work with your sister in law, Jamie. She was so excited to share the news of how well you were doing, that I started reading your blog, myself. I, too, am amazed at your great attitude, and your journey with the cancer. I would like to offer a suggestion... Since you still have boys in school and responsibilities at home with them, and you suggested doing a book for your wife and writing your life story, why not do some family history, too? What better gift to leave your children, than their family history and your story? It would be something you could do from your home at your convenience with your computer. Best of luck in your recovery process and in making those hard decisions.
ReplyDeleteJean
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ReplyDeleteIn the low-water years of the soul, we focus on finding a spring, a well, a wet and well-watered place where things can heal and grow.
ReplyDeleteWhat you do and where you go are decisions that belong to you and those closest to you. You once thought humanitarian service would be good - once work was over. If, after evaluation, those priorities still bubble to the top of the list, perhaps you and your wife and children could work out plans for a humanitarian service mission of some kind.
One you could do together.
Maybe in Nauvoo. Friends of ours have gone for three years running and found it a remarkable experience. Maybe a short stint in Central America helping to guide tours to ancient sites. Maybe three weeks in Peru building a school room. Maybe working to preserve historical documents or restoration sites. Maybe helping Haiti rebuild medical and legal services. (Your older children in law and medical school could join you on their breaks.) Maybe visiting extended family and friends - or inviting them to join you.
Maybe take a few days sailing the Caribbean in search of the perfect beach.
Depends how you feel. Depends on your strength. Serve in small bites until you can take bigger ones. Make a difference, leave a legacy and grow closer together in the process. Grow in strength. Grow in love.
Don't be held hostage by pedestrian demands or the constraints of traditional education or houses. The kids can do home study. Sell the house if it stops you. (You can always rent.) Indulge that desire to serve. Taking half-a-year, a couple of months or even a couple of weeks or dedicating a few days to blessing the lives of others is a far richer and more powerful experience than traditional education will ever afford. And it will give you time together.
Very few people can break away from all of their typical work-a-day ties and do something like this. You can! What a chance! What an opportunity! Finding a place where you can make a difference or create a legacy... will yield joy. And joy is what you deserve my brother. It is what I wish for you.
Love ya, -Art