Among the many side effects of chemotherapy is that it throws your GI system out of whack. The lining of your stomach and intestines can be damaged, causing nausea and loss of appetite. You can have diarrhea or constipation. For me, I've had underlying nausea for most of the week, but it has been managed nicely with the anti-emetic drugs (as long as I keep on schedule). This morning, however, I've been pained by constipation. I've been taking colace stool softeners, but to no effect. Dulcolax is next. I've read how chemo patients swing from being painfully plugged to freely running, and have hoped I would dodge that particular aspect, but it seems that I will not be spared.
Many years ago, I read a novel by James Clavell about POW's during WWII ("King Rat"). One passage that now comes to mind was a description by one of the prisoners of a perfect bowel movement -- a transcendent event that was exceedingly rare in the prison camps. We take for granted our regular bodily functions, until they abandon us, or malfunction in spectacular ways. Bladder cancer is right there with bowel, colon, and anal cancer as a disease that most people would rather not think about, unless they've got it. I know I never did.
I'll push through this. Take what comes, each day, and do my best with what I've got. I am fortunate to have much, to be richly blessed by family and friends, to have access to high quality medical care, and to have the resources to properly fight this battle. Yet I am also reminded of my humanity, and the transitory nature of life, and how precious each moment is.
In the last volume of the Harry Potter series, there is a scene as Harry realizes his death is inevitable, and he feels regret at having wasted so much time on insignificant things. I have occasionally reread those pages, because they illustrate the newfound maturity that can accompany an introspection towards mortality. Cancer brings perspective, and helps me better appreciate things as they are, and as they meant to be.
Ken: We haven't been close, but since moving to this neighborhood I've liked you personally and really appreciated your leadership on the Lane. I'm sorry that you and your family have been dealt this tough, tough challenge but am inspired by the courage and grace with which you are facing it. Good luck with Round Two of the Chemo next week... and with everything else you will face in the weeks ahead.
ReplyDeleteWarm best wishes, George